The John Watson problem: It’s not just John, it’s the imbalance in the relationship, and it’s the writers fault 

 (Sherlock Meta by sussexbound)

So, I’ve slept on the TLD John issue. I’m still heartbroken. But I want to clear a few things up, firstly about my view of John as a character (because I’ve been accused repeatedly of idealising John Watson, and have been told that the reason I’m upset now is because I was ignoring his flaws, his darkness up until now), and also about my views on the writing, and the imbalance it’s starting to cause in the johnlock dynamic.

Let’s start with my understanding of John…

I came to this fandom after Season 3. I had no real attachment or understanding of the fandom John characterisation as some sweet-hearted, slightly grumpy, but generally level-headed and selfless carer. I started reading fic, and engaging on tumblr after the days of ‘hedgehog john’, ‘jawwwn’, and ‘jumpers, jam and rage’. So, for starters that has never been the John I saw in the show. That’s never been the John I embraced in fandom. And that’s never been the John I fleshed out and explored through fan fic. Mine has always been a John deeply coloured by the events of Season 3, and the fandom focus that arose after it.

The John I know: 

The John I know and love has always been deeply flawed. He’s always had anger issues. I headcanon him coming from a profoundly broken and emotionally and physically abusive home life. He has always had an attraction to violence and adrenaline-fuelled activities, while also somewhere, deep down, being slightly unsettled by that part of himself. He has always been passive-aggressive, always struggled with a drinking problem that could, at any moment, snowball into something serious. I think he knows that. Look at Harry. He knows. I’ve always seen him as someone who projects his issues with himself onto others (again look at his relationship with Harry and her drinking). I’ve always seen him as someone who turns to casual sex for comfort and to distract himself from uncomfortable feelings and attractions he doesn’t want to think about (hence the string of girlfriends in ASiB after the pool thing happened). I wasn’t surprised in the least about the affair with the woman on the bus. I also wasn’t surprised in the least about his guilt over it, while still battling with wanting it to continue. I’ve never been surprised by how deeply John keeps himself rammed in the closet, how much he keeps inside, how little he is willing to open up and make himself vulnerable. None of these things has ever been a deal breaker for me. I understand them, and they are a part of what makes John flawed, and horribly, beautifully human.

John Watson is a loyal, loving man, but he is also deeply flawed. He is also a bad man. And there are aspects of that that Sherlock loves and craves, yes. Sherlock isn’t an easy man himself. There aren’t many people who would be able to live with him. He knows that. Part of what makes him and John sort of ‘fit’ is John’s complexity, his flaws, his brokenness, his difference from the rest of society.

Sherlock sort of flaunts and celebrates his own difference and exceptionalities, while deep down still feeling like a freak, unlovable, something to be put up with and tolerated. While John does everything within his power to hide his difference, to celebrate his ‘normalcy’ while deep down feeling terrified that the real him will someday fight it’s way to the fore, and that he will be revealed to be the monster he secretly worries he is. But because they both know they are different, they fit, and they have, perhaps, more tolerance and empathy for the difference in the other.

So, I don’t think I’ve idealised John Watson, or his relationship to Sherlock. I think I’ve always had a pretty realistic, balanced view of John, one that accepted both his darkness and his light, and of his relationship with Sherlock.

The imbalance in the relationship: 

But here’s what the writers have been doing the last couple seasons, and what they continue to do, and why I think the beating in TLD was the last straw for me.

There is a serious imbalance in John and Sherlock’s relationship, and if you know anything about abuse, you will realise that this imbalance is a ‘perfect storm’ set up for future, chronic, domestic abuse.

I’m going to leave The Fall totally out of this argument, because I think that is a huge psychological wound between them, that requires it’s own separate treatment, it’s an issue that has been repeatedly addressed on screen, is about to get revisited in TFP (I think), and because John actually brought it up, to Sherlock’s face in his therapist’s office in TLD, and Sherlock actually acknowledged that he now realises why that actually upset John (our lives are not our own).

What I want to do, though, is compare what I think are the two worst, most inexcusable things that Sherlock and John have done to one another physically (though each of these also have a strong psychological element, as physical abuses always do):

*John beating Sherlock to a bloody pulp, in a fit of misplaced rage, in TLD.
*Sherlock non-consensually attempting to drug John, a traumatised war veteran, with a fear-inducing drug in tHoB, and triggering a severe fear response in him.

So let’s look at how the show handled these two issues.

We’ll start with the tHoB drugging: 

At the beginning of this episode both of John are sort of settling into their relationship. It’s kind of a high point for them. John’s given up the girlfriends. Sherlock’s trying to quit smoking with John’s help, though he’s clearly bored and restless (probably due to the fact that he’s experiencing emotions and attractions he doesn’t know how to process or what to do with).

They go off on the Baskerville case. Sherlock thinks he’s giving John a deliriant drug via sugar in his coffee. He then sets up a situation in the lab, which triggers an anxiety/fear response, through a combination of sensory overload, and suggestion. Now, it turns out that he actually didn’t drug John, because the drug wasn’t in the sugar (I guess the jury is still out on whether John actually was drugged at the lab somehow, or whether he just got that triggered from the fear stimulus, which is highly likely given his previous war-related trauma), but the intention was there, and Sherlock did trigger John’s trauma response through the other means I mentioned, which is really horrible.

So we see John in the cage in the lab, terrified. Once Sherlock hears the sheer terror in John’s voice I guess he decides maybe the whole thing was a bit much, and had gone far enough, and he tells John to sit tight, comes and gets him, does seem to try and comfort him (hand on shoulder, asking if he’s alright, etc.), but then he sort of slips back into ‘cold machine’ mode, and off they go to keep working on the case. John is clearly feeling ill from being triggered. He’s pale, and shaky, even Dr. Stapleton mentions it, “Are you alright? You’re looking a bit peaky.” And Sherlock, is back in case mode now, pretty much ignoring John, and the level of trauma he caused him.

At the end of the episode this situation comes up again, and is discussed, so we can see how both characters feel about it. John is clearly angry, and Sherlock shushes him, and tells him that it was laboratory conditions, all very safe. John insists that he was scared to death, and Sherlock just sort of justifies his choice.

John seems strongly irked, but generally okay, and they joke about the sugar and Sherlock being wrong. John had a right to be angry, because it was a non-consensual situation that resulted in John being seriously triggered to the point it made him physically ill. But John actually enjoys teasing around the edges of that. His danger addiction lends that a certain level of appeal.

I’m not justifying any of Sherlock’s actions, and that definitely took things too far, but I’m saying the reason John seems to forgive it, is because on some deep level he really doesn’t mind all that much, and he does trust Sherlock to engage in that kind of danger play with him, and keep the conditions ‘laboratory safe’.

Sherlock also seems fairly attuned to John’s responses, and did stop the ‘experiment’ when it was clear John needed out.

They play dangerous games together, these two boys. They always have, and they probably always will. The fact that John craves and needs that, and that Sherlock is more than willing to provide that, is part of what makes them click.

So onto the TLD beating: 

This brings us to the TLD beating. John and Sherlock are both not in the best mental state to say the least. John is hallucinating his dead wife, just starting to go to therapy to work through the issues surrounding his wife’s death. He’s still projecting his own guilt and self-loathing onto Sherlock, and blaming Sherlock for Mary’s death. He’s drinking. He’s probably been pushing up against suicidal ideation at times. He’s had more than one danger night, by the sounds of it. He’s probably the lowest he’s ever been.

Sherlock is also the lowest he’s ever been. He’s lost Mary, John and Rosie in one fell swoop. The circumstances surrounding Mary’s death are at least partially related to Sherlock’s actions. John has asked for space, and so Sherlock has granted it. Sherlock’s despondent, self-destructive, back on drugs. He’s got that video from Mary charging him to be John’s keeper, to save John from himself, and his own self-destructive tendencies. He decides to pick a fight with a serial killer to hopefully present John with an opportunity to save his life (honestly what even was that plot?! But I digress…).

Now we get to the morgue. John’s been dragged along on this case sort of unwittingly, but once he’s there, he seems to fall into line. He’s still hallucinating his dead wife, but she seems to be encouraging him to go along on the case, rather that making him feel guilty or bad about it. It’s good for him, she suggests. The game is on!

In the morgue everything goes wrong with Sherlock’s plan, due to the unforeseen thing with Faith not being the Faith Sherlock met at 221b (there are serious holes in this plot, and how it relates to Sherlock’s plan to save John but I won’t go into that here).

Sherlock wigs out and pulls a scalpel on Smith. He is a real risk here, doped up, starting to slip mentally. John hits his arm once to disarm him, then slams him back against the cooler to get him out of Smith’s personal space. At this point he punches Sherlock in the face and says, “Stop. Stop it now. What are you doing? Wake up!” He hits him again, and Sherlock falls to the floor, and this is when John says, “Is this just a game? Is it just a bloody game?!” And then he punches him again, and again, and starts kicking him in the side until the smile falls from Culverton’s face, and two orderlies rush in and pull John off.

Sherlock’s response to Culverton’s request that John leave him be, is, “No it’s okay. Let him do what he wants. He’s entitled. I killed his wife.” Sherlock isn’t angry at John. Not even slightly irked. He doesn’t try to defend himself. He just lets John do it, and even says it’s okay to let John continue to do it, because he deserves it, really, he killed John’s wife (which he didn’t, though he probably does have some second-hand responsibility surrounding her death).

To which John tightly replies, “Yes you did!”. So John is again misplacing his anger, and allowing Sherlock to take the blame here.

Of course this beating on top of Sherlock’s already fragile condition lands him in the hospital, and we know the rest.

Like Sherlock in tHoB, John never apologises for this action. But unlike Sherlock he also never acknowledges the event even happened in Sherlock’s presence. It’s swept under the carpet, and never comes up in the episode again. Presumably, since Sherlock thinks John had every right to beat him in that scene, it never will be addressed unless John makes a point to bring it up, to apologise, to make sure Sherlock knows he didn’t deserve it, and that John was projecting his own feelings onto Sherlock, and giving himself permission to use Sherlock as his own personal whipping boy.

The hug scene at the end of the episode is also not in any way an apology for this event. I don’t know where people are getting that impression from. I’ve had a good handful of people tell me that, and it’s simply incorrect.

In the hug scene, John admits that he wants to be the better man that Mary saw him as, that she makes him want to live up to her high estimation of him. He confesses and apologises to his head-Mary for the text affair, and admits that he isn’t the perfect man she saw him as, that he never has been. This reduces him to tears. At that point Sherlock gets up and tenderly comforts John.

There were a lot of things discussed in that scene, and AGAIN, John was projecting a ton of his issues onto Sherlock (like with all the Irene stuff), but there was never an apology for, or even an acknowledgement of the beating.

So here’s where the imbalance lies: 

When we first meet John and Sherlock in ASiP, John is presented as a kind of decent bloke, with some mental issues related to the war, and a danger addiction seemingly related to that. We also find out that alcoholism runs in his family, and that he has a difficult relationship with his sister, and is fairly socially isolated. But he also has a strong moral compass. He is in desperate need of money, but he turns down Mycroft’s offer to spy, for instance. He’s complex, he’s got issue, but we’re supposed to read him as generally decent.

Sherlock is presented as a odd genius with a small, but fairly loyal social circle. A man who eschews emotional connection and entanglements, is a self-professed ‘high-functioning sociopath’, and doesn’t seem to understand or care about social conventions at all. He’s also got a bit of an obsession with murder, and Sally is there to plant the suggestion that someday they’ll all be standing around a body, and Sherlock will have put it there. He’s got human elements, but he’s a little bit cold, maybe a little bit dangerous?

Over the seasons, since the show is called “Sherlock” and since from the very beginning the whole point of the show is to show Sherlock moving from being not just a great man but also a good one, they have been seeking to ‘humanise’ Sherlock.

However, what that has resulted in, is a Sherlock who is getting more, and more selfless, especially after The Fall, and especially when it concerns John, and a John who started out seeming complex and flawed, but decent, who has been slowly being written more and more selfish.

It’s starting to cause a serious imbalance.

Let’s just compare the balance between good and ‘not good’ in Season 3 & 4 (I will bold the items I feel bear more moral or emotional weight in john and sherlock’s relationship).:

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Sherlock’s ‘Not Good’ (and bear in mind that some of these things can be somewhat explained or justified which lessens the blow a bit, imo): 

1. Does not prepare John for his return with a text or phone call in TEH. 
2. Interrupts John’s proposal dinner to announce his return from the dead with an ill-conceived joke in TEH. 
3. Tricks John into thinking he was about to die on the train car in TEH.
4. Walks off in TSoT when John is trying to talk to Sherlock about Mary.
5. Shuts John out and goes back on drugs in HLV.
6. Seems to be discussing John with Mary behind John’s back. John and Mary seem to be arranging John’s schedule for him. It’s almost like John is having his personal agency stolen from him at bit.
7. Tries to make John jealous with Janine (nothing will convince me that wasn’t his intention)
8. Leaves John behind, and runs headlong into danger in CAM tower, and get’s shot as a result.
9. Really botches the whole Magnussen affair (though I don’t see this as a personal attack on John, but it does have negative consequences for him).
10. Shoots Magnussen (this was for John and Mary even though it was morally wrong).
11. Overdoses on the plane in TAB.
12. A lot of being glued to his phone in TST, during times when John clearly desires him to be engaged.
13. Seeming to join in with Mary in questioning John’s value as a companion in TST. 
14. The Norbury mess, and Mary’s resulting death in TST. 
15. Self-destructive and back on the drugs in TLD.
16. Kind of manipulating John into joining in on the Smith thing, though I think a lot of the weight of that falls on Mrs. Hudson’s shoulders.

Sherlock’s ‘Good’ (and ‘good’ is probably relative here, I just mean stuff that makes Sherlock sympathetic to the audience): 

1. Recognises that he made a social misstep with the way he announced his return from the dead, and tries to apologise - TEH.
2. Allows John to wrestle, strangle, head butt him, without complaint, and without trying to defend himself, despite the fact he is still recovering from torture, presumably because he recognises his wrong, and feels John is justified (sound familiar) - TEH.
3. Let’s John have space when John expresses that he doesn’t want to see Sherlock - TEH.
4. Saves John from the bonfire - TEH.
5. Initiates a conversation when John comes over the next day, apologises again, sincerely. Tries to make things right - TEH.
6. Tells John to just go and Leave him in the train car, when he thinks they are going to die - TEH.
7. Befriends Mary - TEH.
8. Practically plans John’s entire wedding, and puts John and the wedding before ‘the work’ - TSoT.
9. Agrees to be best man and makes a beautiful speech even though it is clearly something that is hard for him (on many levels) - TSoT.
10. Saves the life of John’s ex at John’s wedding - TSoT.
11. Seems to do everything in his power to make John’s wedding day perfect, even if his own heart was breaking - TSoT
12. Stands by and watches John dance away with his wife, while John drops a last parting jab of a joke, that even Mary knows was not good - TSoT.
13. Claws his way back from the dead for John and John alone. Seriously. Comes back to life for John - HLV.
14. Doesn’t keep the truth about Mary secret from John, at great personal risk to himself (remember Mary threatened him about telling John) - HLV.
15. Encourages John to forgive his wife, to trust her and take her back, even though she shot him when he tried to help her, and then threatened him in the hospital and again in the empty house - HLV.
16. Basically moderates the Watson family domestic and keeps John in check, trying to diffuse his violent anger that is focussed on Mary, and refocus it on Sherlock himself (wtf, this is such a horrible pattern!!!) - HLV.
17. Puts himself (and his brother) at great personal risk just to clear the name of John's wife - HLV.
18. Kills a man to keep John’s wife’s secrets safe - HLV.
19. Get’s himself exiled for this act (an exile that will inevitably end in his own death) - HLV.
20. Holds back telling John he loves him on the tarmac, and makes a joke just to see John smile - HLV.
21. Continues to put himself at great personal risk to keep his vow about keeping Mary safe - TST.
22. Lets John in on the AGRA drive thing in TST, before confronting Mary about it.
23. Goes with John to Morocco to confront Mary after she takes off - TST.
24. Figures out the Norbury deal, and tries to close that case out forever, to protect Mary (I guess) - TST.
25. Acknowledges he did bad with the Norbury thing -TST.
26. Asks Mrs. Hudson to remind him when he is being arrogant or too cocky in the future so he will not repeat his mistakes - TST.
27. Gives John the space John wants. Doesn’t pressure him - TST.
28. Is so sweet and nice to E./Faith.
29. Acknowledges that his life is not his own, and by extension the audiences realises that he understands the effect his fake suicide had on John.
30. Let’s John beat him in the morgue, says he deserves it, lets John blame him for Mary’s death - TLD.
31. Is willing to die at the suggestion of John’s dead wife, by placing himself in the way of danger, just to try and keep John from killing himself (honestly, wtf kind of crazy ass, horrible plot?!!!) - TLD.
32. Initiates conversation at the end of the episode when John is going to once again walk out without talking. Starts by asking John if he’s alright - TLD.
33. Listens in silence to John talk about how he should engage in a sexual affair with Irene because she likes him and is available (never mind they’re both gay), and to John’s suggestion that without romance and sex he isn’t a complete human being - TLD.
34. Holds back from telling John that he loves him (again) - TLD.
35. Quietly sits and listens to John confess that it is his wife (the woman who once almost killed Sherlock) who inspires him to want to be a better man - TLD.
36. Listens as John confesses his affair to the hallucination of his dead wife - TLD.
37. Hugs John when he finally breaks and cries over all his guilt, and anger, and self-loathing - TLD.
38. Ensures John that he isn’t a bad man, but just human, still essentially loveable -TLD.

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John’s ‘Not Good’ (and bear in mind that some of these things can be somewhat explained or justified which lessens the blow a bit, imo): 

1. Wrestling, head-butting, attempting to strangle Sherlock the night he came back from the dead in TEH (bolding this, because though it was somewhat understandable given the depth of Sherlock’s deception, it bordered on excessive, imo, and was, once again, never brought up again, or apologised for).
2. Going ahead with a marriage that he seemed very hesitant about (this is even referenced when Mrs. Hudson tells John that she just sort of got swept along into her own abusive marriage) - TSoT.
3. Not recognising that Sherlock was stressed about John getting married, or even acknowledging that it would change things between them (even Mary could see this) - TSoT.
4. Adding shots to Sherlock’s beer to get him drunker than he wanted to be on stag night in TSoT (again this was never addressed unlike the drugging in tHoB, which they at least discussed, and John had the chance to express his anger over).
5. The ‘behind closed curtains’ joke at the reception - TSoT. 
6. Blaming Sherlock for Mary’s death (though I think that this is understandable given the circumstances) - TST.
7. Telling Sherlock he would rather have anyone’s help but Sherlock’s (again somewhat understandable immediately following Mary’s death - and there’s that ‘anyone’ again) - TST.
8. The affair (this wasn’t that big of a deal for me, but it was for a lot of people, and I think a fair argument could be made about whether it might ever become an issue in John’s future).
9. The beating -TLD 

John’s ‘Good’ (and ‘good’ is probably relative here, I just mean stuff that makes Sherlock sympathetic to the audience): 

1. Forgives Sherlock for The Fall - TEH.
2. Finally uses his words and tells Sherlock what he means to him in the train car. - TEH.
3. Tries to tell Sherlock a couple of times how much he loves him, and values their friendship - TSoT.
4. Asks Sherlock to be best man - TSoT (though this was obviously emotionally difficult for Sherlock, which John seemed clueless about, so I’m not sure how much of the audience would view this as a good thing) - TSoT.
5. Tries to initiate conversation/test the waters sexually on stag night (though they were both drunk off their ass, partially because John got them that way, so it was bordering a bit on dub-con, and thank god for Mrs Hudson and the client interrupting) - TSoT.
6. Cries at Sherlock’s beautiful speech -TSoT.
7. Doesn’t stop himself from hugging Sherlock - TSoT.
8. Seems understanding, and like he’s trying to be supportive when Sherlock is spiralling out of control in the mayfly man deduction scene - TSoT.
9. Misses Sherlock horribly even on this honeymoon - HLV.
10. Dreams about Sherlock - HLV.
11. Takes him to get drug tested, calls Mycroft who makes sure the flat gets searched for any other drugs - HLV.
12. Cares for Sherlock immediately after he is shot. - HLV
13. Stays at the hospital all night, waiting to see if he’ll pull through - HLV
14. Is genuinely furious about Mary shooting Sherlock - HLV
15. Forgives Mary (I still can’t decide if this should be a ‘good’ or ‘not good’ tbh) - HLV.
16. Goes along, trustingly, with Sherlock’s crazy, ill-conceived Magnussen plan - HLV.
17. Seems shaken by Sherlock’s attempted overdose, and to take Mycroft’s charge to look after Sherlock quite seriously (sadly this isn’t born out with acton in S4, so I’m not sure it should even be on this list) - TAB
18. Asks Sherlock to be godfather of his daughter - TST
19. Seems to be trusting and working with Sherlock again - TST
20. Actively seeking therapy - TLD
21. Saving Sherlock from Smith (which he later admits he wouldn’t have done without Mary’s urging - wtf?) - TLD
22. Admitting he isn’t the perfect man Mary thought he was (this is directed at his memory of Mary, not Sherlock though) - TLD.
23. Admitting he had an emotional affair while married to her (again, directed at head-Mary) - TLD.
24. Admitting that his wife’s opinion of him made him want to be a better man (seriously, y’all. I’m so tired…).
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So, as you can see there is a HUGE disparity between the emotional and moral weight of Sherlock and John’s ‘good’s and ‘not good’s, especially as it applies to their relationship to one another.

This will not only skew the audience’s sympathies in a certain direction. It also seriously makes me question whether John, as he’s being currently written, has the level of self-awareness, and willingness to take responsibility for his own actions, necessary to be in a healthy or sustainable relationship with anyone.

Sherlock is being painted as someone with flaws, but who is essentially committed to growth, selfless when it comes to John, someone who is willing to die, kill, and live entirely for John Watson. And who is also willing to take any level of abuse at John’s hand if he feels it will make John feel better (which is more than a bit not good).

John on the other hand, is being painted as someone deeply flawed and deeply selfish. He constantly projects his own issues onto Sherlock, and then punishes Sherlock for them, rather than himself. He rarely talks to Sherlock about things that matter. Other than forgiving Sherlock for the fall, I can’t think of a single selfless thing John’s done specifically for Sherlock since TRF. And now that Mary has been redeemed it seems that the few leaps of growth he’s managed have been all for her and her angelic memory.

I know in ACD canon, Sherlock states that Watson’s marriage to Mary Morstan was the one truly selfish thing Holmes can recall Watson doing to him in the history of their friendship. Maybe this is part of the writers way of trying to pay homage to that? But it seems to be getting out of hand, and unless we see John starting to be more selfless, more giving, more apologetic, and taking more responsibility for the pretty profound ways his personal issues are impacting Sherlock, I just don’t know how this relationship could ever be healthy or sustainable.

So my objections to what happened with that TLD beating are not because I don’t understand mental illness or abuse, it’s not because I’ve idealised John Watson, don’t understand the character, don’t understand the John/Sherlock dynamic and relationship. My objections exist because I feel like it was sort of the final nail in the lid of the coffin on what might have been a sustainable relationship built on mutual commitment to personal growth, and mutual sacrifice for each other. That balance used to exist before The Fall, before Mary Morstan. It wasn’t perfect, because neither of these men are. It certainly wasn’t conventional, but it was working for them in a weird, limited way, that gave you hope that over time they could grow into something even stronger, even better.

Nothing is working for them anymore, and it just seems like Sherlock gives, and gives, and gives (almost to a fault), and John isn’t even meeting him halfway.

The writers are going to have to work some serious miracles in TFP to salvage this relationship, and make me feel it’s something still worth rooting for, and I wonder if they have time, since they seem more committed to weird twists, rug pulls and final hour ‘evil sibling’ plots.

baxterboy: Sadly, Mofftiss have killed off everything we loved about Sherlock and John in the early years. They’re not just damaged, they’re broken. Sherlock has no self-worth and is full of self-loathing. John is just full of rage and violence directed at the wrong person for the wrong reasons. I’m sure the magic reset button will make it all go away but, frankly, Sherlock needs therapy and a restraining order and John needs mandatory anger management classes and supervised-only visits.