Does John really love Mary?

 (Sherlock Meta by Ivy Blossom and sussexbound)

Question: hello, sorry for showing up on your doorstep all out the sudden, i don't know if you take asks or not, if not then i apologize. but if you do, there's something I'd like to ask because I always value your insight on Sherlock. See, many people insist that John doesn't love Mary at all and even claim he never did which is driving me nuts, because taking into consideration human emotional complexity and the bbc canon, I disagree. And you know John so well, I'd love to see your perspective on this.

Ivy Blossom: 

Well hello there, stranger, standing here on my doorstep! Please, come on in!

First off: I love the idea that I know John well. He drops by the library from time to time, we go for a pint, I help him with his blog. I’m his sister’s ex, but he and I got along better than either of us did with her, so.

I can’t imagine a version of this story where John doesn’t love Mary. We’re at a point, here after we’ve seen The Six Thatchers but nothing more, where there is a clear suggestion that John is cheating on Mary, and many are shocked and appalled by this. How could ethical, moral-compass John do such a thing? Well: how could ethical, moral-compass John marry someone he never felt any love for? I don’t think he would, and I don’t think he did. John definitely loves Mary.

I think it’s safe to say, in the context of this story, that John and Sherlock are soulmates. They were built with a piece missing in the shape of the other, and each of them become their best and most whole selves when they’re together. This is true no matter who else enters either of their lives, no matter how much either of them loves anyone else. This core construction is permanent and unconditional. It’s practically biological. They don’t even have to like it or want it; it just is. John (or Sherlock!) loving anyone else cannot lessen the reality of this connection, and the foundational bond between Sherlock and John doesn’t lessen the love they feel for other people. Complicate it? Certainly. It may even make it impossible for either of them to properly commit to anyone else. But love isn’t a zero sum game even at the worst of times.

There is no question in my mind that John loves Mary. He loves the version of her that she wants to be. John gets restless in his marriage before Mary shoots Sherlock and her secrets start to spill out, but that’s not a statement on how much John loves her. No one but Sherlock can fill the gap in John that Sherlock fills. He certainly loves her while she can’t.

If John knew Mary’s whole past, if he had known her before she became Mary Morstan, would he have loved her? Mary tells us he wouldn’t, and it seems she’s right. John is having a hard time accepting the lies Mary tells. He doesn’t like her behaviour or her choices when her past self creeps back. Would he have found his way through his anger and feelings of betrayal and committed fully to his marriage again? Possibly. He isn’t ready to give up on her entirely.



married Mary’s fantasy version of herself rather than her reality, and sometimes reality seeps in. John no longer trusts Mary, and that’s difficult terrain for love. But I don’t think John stopped loving her by the end of The Six Thatchers. He is angry with her, and disappointed, but he still loves her.

Barring any rug-pulling details that force us to change our understanding of her death, perhaps Mary has demonstrated that she was capable of reshaping herself to be the Mary Watson she wanted to be. She might have genuinely become exactly who she pretended to be. And John would have loved her.

sussexbound:

I feel like the ‘Miss Me’ video, with the “Go to Hell, Sherlock” message was meant to be a rug pull indicating that her sacrifice was probably not as selfless as it appeared.

But that being said, I agree with the rest of this. Of course John loved her once, or at least the woman he thought she was. He would never have married someone he didn’t love. And I do think his apology in HLV was sincere, and I do think that he wanted to try to make it work, because he thought it was what he should do (they were about to have a child together, for one), he thought he could do, and Sherlock was feeding him the surgery story and acting like all was forgiven.

I felt like John was feeling horribly torn all the way through TST, and part of his anger at Sherlock at the end, is really more guilt and anger at himself. He was straying with bus lady, his heart was still tied so much to Sherlock, and that love is always there, always in the background of everything. He was feeling unappreciated and shut out by both Sherlock and Mary who seemed to have their own little friendship which mostly excluded him.

When he was out with Sherlock, he shut his phone off, tried to ignore Mary, because he valued the Sherlock time, and clearly felt like she was butting-in, in some ways. But she was his wife, and he should want to spend time with her, shouldn’t he? And he had a new baby he loved, and should be there for. And Sherlock and Mary got along, which was–good.

And then Mary just ran off, and he and Sherlock had a plan, they put a tracer on her AGRA drive, and then they just let her run, for weeks at least, before they went and got her. Why? Maybe they just cherished the time together, and dragged it out? And by the time they got there John wasn’t even sure if he liked Mary any more, which is sad. And yet, when they got home, he was still trying to make it work (even though he was drinking again).

John was just being torn in so many different directions. I get exhausted just thinking about it. I feel for him in TST, I really do. It’s a very difficult place to be in, and now, with everything that’s happened, he has a tough road ahead, and some very difficult decisions to make.