Opinion regarding the beating scene in TLD

 (Sherlock meta by wssh-watson)

I’m still undecided. My first initial reaction was sheer disbelief and repulsion. I saw the character assassination too and still see it. Then I tried to rationalise it for myself and tried to contextualise it with John’s emotional distress and psychological trauma of the last years, specifically the repression he keeps practising–and I ended up in a place where this seemed plausible. (To me.)

I don’t think it’s anger over Sherlock supposedly failing Mary, that’s the least of it, if it even plays here a role at all. I think this is all of John’s frustrations and repressed emotions–and desires!–breaking loose. “It’s all a game to you,” “lying is like your mission,” “of course it’s about Sherlock, everything is about Sherlock.” John is always running from or evading or repressing his demons. Now Mary died and he cannot do that any longer: he must face them. And here they are, in a desperate and painful conglomeration of grief and anger and guilt and self loathing and desire he doesn’t want.

Grief –Sherlock always playing games like the game let’s jump from a roof and let’s let John grieve for 2 years because who cares?

Anger –he DID let John grieve for two years, left him alone; and Mary shot sherlock but he couldn’t blame her because she “saved him,” and anyway she is/was the mother of his child and he was her husband so of course he tried to forgive her, that’s what couples do; but she still shot and killed sherlock

Guilt and self loathing – he married her under false pretences too, cheating emotionally, never was as invested in this marriage as her, cheated when she took care of their child, and she died before he could ever tell her

Desire he doesn’t want –of course it’s about sherlock, everything always is, some people have this idée fix, their obsessions they can’t let go off, I wanted more and still do, I’m not the man you thought I was… and all this even though he left me to rot for two years and seemingly didn’t care and still here I am praying at his altar.

I think this is all those things breaking free, the lifelong trained repression finally falling to pieces–violently so. John’s always been into violence. Gun violence, vigilante violence… of course there’s a necessary downside to this violence. The shadow side of it.

It had to be Sherlock. This is John’s humanity, as awful as it is. We wanted Sherlock’s humanity because we wanted the extraordinary to turn ordinary. We don’t want John’s humanity, but here it is. And there is only one person John Watson could ever fully be himself with, could ever truly be his most human self with: Sherlock. That’s why the breakdown happens before sherlock too. At last they’re stripped bare.

They’ve seen the ugliest of one another. But they’re still here, fighting, and Sherlock has seen John’s humanity –has FELT it– and he still embraces all of him: the breaking apart, the anger, the self loathing. They’re important to him just like all the good, heroic parts of John are.

Feel free to tell me to shut up–I know many don’t agree and that’s okay. As I said, after lots of thinking this seems plausible to me for the above mentioned reasons, but that still doesn’t make it okay. John needs to apologise. He never was entitled. This was wrong and abusive and Sherlock needs to realise that and demand for John to stop treating him like this. John needs to get his shit together and apologise and work on this.