2. The Weight of Our Actions: Further Considerations on Major Sholto, Sherlock and The Reichenbach Fall

 (Sherlock Meta by stephisanerd)

(Note: Trigger warning:  Suicide/ Suicidal intention.  This is the second part of this post.  I edited the original post slightly and moved the conclusion over to this one and expanded it.  I’m borrowing some of my own thoughts from here.)

John: Look, Sherlock, this is the biggest and most important day of my life.
Sherlock: Well …
John: No, it is! It is, and I want to be up there with the two people that I love and care about most in the world.
Sherlock: Yes.
John: Mary Morstan …
Sherlock: Yes.
John: … and … you.
…
Sherlock: So, in fact …you-you mean …
John: Yes.
Sherlock: I’m your …best …
John: … man.
Sherlock: … friend?
John: Yeah, ’course you are. ’Course you’re my best friend.

Saying that Sherlock is stunned by this information would be an understatement, but as hilarious as the delivery is, it drives home a very important point.

Sherlock has never understood how John feels about him. Sherlock has always believed that John values him because he is clever and brilliant, and because it means that John gets the danger and adventures that he desires.

Consider the Reichenbach phone call again. If Sherlock believes that all John cares about his cleverness, he has to believe that if John stops valuing that that he will simply walk away, that he will no longer care about Sherlock. “I’m a fake.” Sherlock tells him. He isn’tjust saying goodbye or trying to protect John-he’s trying to convince John that everything that he has ever believed mattered about Sherlock is a lie. Sherlock is trying to break John’s faith in him, hoping that it will lessen the loss. “Nobody could be that clever.” Sherlock tells him.  John doesn’t see the truth of what Sherlock is really saying, what it really means, and he simply tells Sherlock “you could”.

Consider what it all means.  Sherlock believes himself to be, in part, responsible for all of the death and pain that Moriarty has caused.  It’s all because of who he is; it’s because Moriarty saw him as a worthy advisary.  He doesn’t believe he matters to anyone. Why shouldn’t he go along with Mycroft’s plan and Moriarty’s story?  It isn’t actually a suicide, but it’s all but.  He walks away from his life, and spends two years, on his own and lonely, destroying Moriarty’s network because he thinks it’s the only thing of any worth he can do.

He comes back to find John furious and can’t make sense of his anger, because he doesn’t understand the source of it. He doesn’t realize that John might forgive him, because he doesn’t realize what is there underneath the anger.  It’s not until John finally spells it out for him that Sherlock finally sees the truth of it. He matters to John. John loves him.  It’s only then that Sherlock realizes the true weight of his actions.   He finally sees how much of a loss his ‘death’ was for John.

And so, when Sherlock is confronted by Major Sholto, it gets to him. All along, Sherlock has been taking in the similarities and he, while occasionally jealous of Major Sholto’s connection with John, sees himself. He sees a man who is letting his life be taken. He sees someone that John loves about to take his own life in front of him. Again. “There’s a proper time to die, isn’t there?” Major Sholto says. “And one should embrace it when it comes.” But Sherlock understands the cost of embracing a death that could be avoided, of accepting the story that someone else has written for you. More than that, he understands the weight of such an action and he knows the cost of doing that to someone who loves you.  He understands all too well the grief and pain that it causes. He knows just what to say. “We wouldn’t do that, would we – you and me? We would never do that to John Watson.”

And Sherlock wouldn’t. At least, not anymore.

He steps back, knowing that it will work, even as John threatens to break down the door.

Major Sholto emerges and says to John what Sherlock now realizes he should have said on the day he faked his death.  I need your help.* “I believe I am in need of medical attention.”

“I believe I am your doctor.” John says. And he is now, to both of them,

Continued here because apparently I have more to say on this topic.  The next piece focuses on what Sherlock and John didn’t say, and how TRF might have turned out differently if they had been able to express their feelings.

—

Notes:

Transcript excerpts from here.