About how Sherlock treats Molly 

 (Sherlock meta by cassbel5)

I wanted to have a look at the trope of Sherlock treating Molly badly, as I think it is one of the most unfounded yet resilient tropes in fandom and among other viewers. It is often stated or implied that he is unkind to her, manipulates her, uses her, is mean to her, thinks she is weak etc, The persistence of this trope is surprising to me because after the Christmas party scene and his astonishing apology, my deep impression was that their dynamic changes and he actually comes to treat her perhaps even with more care than he treats most people. So I wanted to take a look, once and for all, scene by scene, and investigate this impression. This is a very long post as I have listed all their scenes together by episode (after the Christmas ASiB scene), as well as references to their relationship. Also, I couldn’t help the occasional ironic comment, so forgive me for that.

So, here we go.

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A Scandal in Belgravia 

Mortuary scene (after the party). He gently tells her that she didn’t have to come in. Irene Adler is presumably lying dead on a slab before him, so he must have been experiencing considerable emotional upheaval, even if he wasn’t showing it. And yet, he takes the time and energy to say something kind to Molly, with a look of tenderness and compassion.

Lab scene. “We all do silly things”. He’s obsessing over Irene’s phone. He thinks she was killed and has left him with a puzzle. He’s not paying Molly much attention, because he is completely focused on the phone. He talks to her the way he usually talks to people when he’s focused on his work. It’s because Molly is so lovely here that we might think “Oh why doesn’t he see, the dickhead!? I agree. But context is relevant.

The Reichenbach Fall 

“You’re having lunch with me” scene. He is in a great mood and enthusiastically tells her to cancel her lunch date, jokingly (?) offering to compensate with lunch with him in the form of microscope work and crisps. OK, he’s trying to find two kidnapped kids AND Moriarty. He’s thrilled and in full “the game is on mode” and it wouldn’t surprise me if he actually thinks it must be thrilling for her too. He also amicably teases her about her ex-boyfriend criminal mastermind.

Lab scene. This is one of my all-time favourite scenes, so I am biased. But let’s see. Yes, Sherlock calls her John at one point early on. But we shouldn’t forget that while he is deep in his thoughts on a case, Sherlock, for example, habitually doesn’t notice John’s absence for days. This, however, doesn’t make us question his love and respect for John. When Sherlock calls Molly John he is in his working mode, oblivious to humans around him except as much as they pertain to the task at hand, as he sometimes is with everyone, including John. The focus of TRF is also the growing and strengthening bond between Sherlock and John, and Sherlock’s heart-breaking plan to save his friends that involves keeping John in the dark. That is why we see him watching John come into the lab but John not watching him, just unknowingly going about his business.

His curt remarks to Molly later in the conversation, after her “You’re a bit like my dad”, also have to be seen in context. He is troubled, the Reichenbach drama has already started to unfold for him and he is very much in his task-oriented “alone protects me” mode. And Molly here is crossing a very firm boundary. Now, I LOVE that she did that, this was actually the moment she definitely captured my heart. But Sherlock warning her to stop and saying that “making conversation” is really not her area, in THIS situation, doesn’t qualify as “treating her badly”. She is the strong one here, she is stepping into his walled off space, gently but with great determination, she is lovingly uncovering something, a secret he is willing to guard with his life – his own vulnerability and human frailty, his heart. She knows this, but she proceeds nevertheless. He is on the defensive and his initial curt responses are part of the toolkit he normally uses to guard this space and protect himself. It was, of course, a feeble attempt and he gives in, which brings us to.the

“You do count” scene or “Man comes to woman and reveals his utter vulnerability, as he has never revealed it to anyone before. Tells her that she has always counted to him and that he has always trusted her (and this guy’s got SERIOUS trust issues). Tells her that she was in fact right about his emotional state and that he needs her.” Right.

The Empty Hearse 

Locker room scene. Although he’s clearly got a kinky thing about hiding in her place of work to scare her a bit (I think he just loves hearing her gasp), it’s hard to see anything that is not lovely about this scene. He goes to her straight after seeing John, positions himself so that she would see him in her mirror (ah, his flair for drama) and his little smile as their eyes meet is just magic.

Baker St. “Molly, would you like to…”? A lot has been said about this scene so I’ll keep it bare and simple: Man, somewhat nervously, asks woman to go out and do fun stuff together.

Crime solving in Baker St. All the cases have to do with couples and love. I won’t go into why he has made this particular choice of clients, because that is an interesting topic in itself, but it is clearly NOT evidence of treating her badly, rather the opposite. He has made some kind of special effort for her – these are NOT the kinds of cases he normally takes.

Crime solving – dungeon scene.

Things we find out in this scene:

1. Sherlock misses John very much. He is used to adventuring and solving crimes with John, this is probably his most favourite thing in the world. (And how poignant this is now that we know about Victor). He has come back after two very tough and lonely years and John completely cuts him off. It must be devastating. He misses him so much that he hears John’s voice in his head and at one point says “indeed John” in reply to Molly. Again, like in TRF - he is in work mode, the game is on etc. and John should be there with him in reality, but he is not, so Sherlock’s mind conjures him to make it a bit easier. It reinforces the fact that in this world of adventures, it is John and Sherlock who are a natural unit, one that Sherlock really needs. It does not mean that he does not see Molly, appreciate her or that he treats her badly. He just really misses his friend. 
2. Molly is very smart and capable. To the extent that Sherlock’s mind (as John) suggests that Sherlock is jealous. Quite amazingly, he still lets her encroach on his territory and deduce the skeleton. Once again, quite an effort to please her and behave nicely. 
3. Sherlock’s “Welcome to my world!” or ”You see Molly, this is further evidence of just how amazing I am.” 
4. Sherlock and Molly finish each other’s sentences. 

Things we do NOT find out in this scene:

1. Sherlock manipulates, uses and treats Molly badly. 

Shilcott’s flat. Well, this is just embarrassing. With all the flirting going on in this scene and that smug little smile of his, I don’t need to get into how he VERY MUCH doesn’t treat her badly. Also, she makes him apologise with a look.

Hallway scene. Ok, should we just skip this? Or should we put it briefly: Man invites woman for a meal after spending the day with her. He is clearly enjoying himself and wants to continue (again, that smug little “I am so funny, I will make her laugh again” smirk as he’s going down the stairs is priceless). Woman goes: “Ah, dude, sorry, I can’t, I’m engaged”, to which he stops and says in almost a whisper: “I hope you’ll be very happy, you deserve it” and after the SADDEST. FUCKING. LOOK., plants a gentle kiss nanometres away from her mouth. Yeah, terrible treatment. Oh wait, he actually is treating her badly because he just fucked up her engagement, right there.

Party at Baker St. He gives her a lovely smile and doesn’t say a word to or about Tom although he is evidently dismayed at Tom’s resemblance to him.

The Sign of Three 

Lab scene. He comes to ask her for help. She is clearly taking the piss throughout the scene, he is completely on the back foot. She finishes his sentence again.

Wedding – deductions. He is unusually restrained with Tom after his astounding meat dagger deduction. Sherlock is irritated beyond belief but he refrains from any scathing comments, unlike with Lestrade moments ago. He is making a big effort not to smash Molly’s fiancé and embarrass her.

His Last Vow 

Lab scene. Molly slaps Sherlock hard three times and scolds him. He just stands there and lets her hit him. Finally, he attempts to deflect by bringing up the end of her engagement. It’s quite an interesting choice of topic in that moment, but the point is she has just hit him three times and scolded him in front of three other people. And this remark is all he does.

Mind palace or “I have only three seconds left of consciousness so I’ll imagine this woman being there for me, standing between me and death and telling me how to survive; I will imagine her referring to “US” and to what “WE” have to do in order for me to survive and then I will make a decision that will determine whether I live or die based on the words I imagine her saying to me because… well, that’s just what you do with people you treat badly because they are weak and mean nothing to you.”

References to their relationship. Molly tells us, and only us, that he uses her flat as a bolt hole - a fact Sherlock keeps VERY secret, as nobody, not even Mycroft, knows about this. We also find out that he likes to sleep in her bed. And that she lets him. Now, ok, you could argue that technically this qualifies as “bad”, but it’s just such a weird thing. We aren’t told that he, for instance, makes a mess of her beautiful kitchen or scratches her coffee table or watches loud TV or some other erotically uncharged but discourteous or disrespectful thing. No. We learn that HE LIKES TO SLEEP IN HER BED. AND SHE LETS HIM. With the new information on what the original script said about Tom moving OUT because they agreed he needed the space while Sherlock moves INTO HER BED because they agreed he needed the space, this just tells me that those two had some kind of weird unspoken slightly twisted kinky thing going. Bad? Yeah, ok.

The Six Thatchers 

Christening scene. He is definitely treating someone badly in this scene - his two best friends John and Mary and their daughter Rosie, as he is on the phone while Rosie is being christened. Molly whispers “Phone!” and he immediately puts it away (well, at least out of sight). He does not respond to the priest until Molly nudges him. (We could also infer that he never deletes Molly’s texts as it’s news to her that he does so at all, to John for instance). If anything, this scene, the way they are positioned, their interaction, the way she teases him about PEOPLE THINKING (with the implication that she knows better) he’s incapable of human emotion, the fact that they were talking and had to be silenced by Mrs Hudson like a couple of kids, the way she nudges him – all of this shows us that there is an intimacy between them that we may just wonder about a bit.

At the door with Rosie. Her heart is breaking for him but she can’t do anything. He is very hurt by the message she gives him, but he accepts it gracefully.

The Lying Detective 

Therapist’s house and ambulance scene. This is kind of an extended version of the HLV scene with her scolding him and him trying to deflect, but there is also something more going on here and it’s kind of weird. I’m convinced they cut something out from this scene and/or episode that would shed some more light on their interaction here but we’ll never know, so… Does asking her to come with an ambulance qualify as treating her badly/using her? Perhaps. But he does worse things to John, Lestrade, Mycroft and Mrs Hudson when he needs something for a case. I think the ambulance thing just feeds on the memory of how years and years ago he used her to get access in the mortuary and similar stuff. But the situation has changed, they are both different and they have a completely different relationship now. So if she helps him and does things for him (like Lestrade does, for instance) it does not necessarily mean he is using /manipulating her. And let’s not forget, they ALL indulge him at least a bit because he’s, well, Sherlock Holmes.

OK, the “tell me when to cough” thing was crass, but, Sherlock is very very high and a bit out of control, so…. OK. Bad.

Then there is their interaction outside the ambulance. He is being flippant, yes, but that whole interaction sounds more like a couple bickering than him being mean to her. Look at her facial expression of “Oh, you are so not fooling me with your crap” and his facial expressions seem to me like “I am going to give you my best crap…but shit, it’s not really working is it, but can’t blame me for trying’”. And that very very mysterious look he gives her as he leaves (yes, it’s for her, the camera cuts to HER face for a response) could, I suppose, qualify, as treating her badly because if it were me I would die right there.

References to their relationship in TLD:

1. John singles Molly out as the one person who sees through Sherlock’s bullshit. Sherlock’s tone and expression as he says “Who’s that then, I’m sure I would’ve noticed”, reveals that he is unsettled by the fact that there is actually someone who fits that description. And he knows it’s true. 
2. John also believes, much like the audience who hang onto the “Sherlock treats her badly” trope, that she is the last person Sherlock would think of in this regard. It turns out he was wrong, of course. 
3. Molly and John are the only ones Sherlock celebrates his birthday with. In every festive occasion on the show so far, the rest of the gang (Lestrade, Mrs Hudson and Mary while she was alive) were there as well and now they are clearly not. It makes sense – Sherlock is still in a very vulnerable state, he is trying to stay clean and has been through a crushing, life-threatening and heart-breaking ordeal so it makes sense that he will celebrate his birthday with only his very closest friend who he has finally just made amends with and…and with…oh, yeah…with the woman he treats really badly because he doesn’t really care. 

The Final Problem 

“I love you” scene. Ah, let’s just not go there.

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I have tried to think of all their scenes together and scenes that deal with or mention their relationship. If I have forgotten anything it wasn’t intentional. But the point is, after the Christmas scene in ASiB, which truly was awful before his apology, you could say that the worst he does specifically to her is: call her John on two occasions when he is working and/or absent-minded and misses John; suggest she cancel a lunch date in order to help him find 2 kidnapped children; defend himself against her anger with silly flippant comebacks; ask her help with the ambulance car. Oh, yes, and sleep in her bed. (And make lewd remarks when he is high and out of control.) On the other hand, he shares his secrets with her, he lets her see his vulnerability, is compassionate and kind after hurting her, trusts her with his life more than once, seeks out her company, tries to impress her and make her laugh, tells her how much she means to him, thanks her for everything she did for him, immediately obeys instructions she gives him with her eyes or a single word, invites her for chips and eats cake with her unshaven and with a blood-clotted eye. And the hat.

(And probably quite a bit more that we don’t see if we are to judge by the intimacy we see between them.)

As the list above shows, the vast majority of their scenes together are really rather lovely. And the way BC plays it, Sherlock is always just a touch softer, just a touch more vulnerable in his scenes alone with Molly. I would really love it if people could just think back on their actual scenes together before they bring up the “he treats her badly” thing, which more or less ended half way through the fourth of thirteen episodes.